Getting Over It
by Angelyc
Summary: What happens when Meredith patience with Addison and Derek finally snaps?


1Anyone who has ever told you to just get over a broken heart has obviously never had their heart broken. How are you supposed to just ignore something that causes your breath to stutter from it's pain? How do you get past something that rips at healing wounds every time you close your eyes? How do you let go of emotions that are so strong, that in the depths of your soul you know that they are permanent? How the _hell_ do you "get over it"?

Every day I walk into this building I love, to do a job I love. I am surrounded by friends that I love, who not only appreciate me, but understand me. Every day I watch the man I love, pretend to love someone else. How messed up is that?

I know I should let it go... or get over it as you will. But I can't. Not until I know why. Why did he use me to get past the pain? And even worse... why did I let him? What is it that is so twisted inside me that I will constantly debase myself for a man who has done nothing but prove that he doesn't appreciate or understand me? Why am I so weakened by his smile and his charm that I can't tell him to go to hell like I know I should? Maybe I need therapy...

I hate looking at him and her and thinking how right they look together. I hate him for making me feel like the sleazy "mistress." I want to hate her, but I can't. Because she's just as much a victim as I am. She's bewitched. She lets him treat her as badly as he treats me. Because while he stays with her... he looks at me longingly. He offers to be my friend. He stalks me in elevators. And she lets him. Maybe she needs therapy too. Wonder if we could get a group rate?

There he is. He's smiling at me again. In all of his McDreamy glory. In some small part of me, I wish he'd never stop. But in another part, a part that is growing more and more everyday, I think "That's right...look. Stare at what you can't have again. Because you were stupid. You didn't choose me."

And even as I have the thought, I'm disgusted with myself. Because it implies that if Addison hadn't moved to Seattle we would have just fallen into happy bliss. Which is I'm sure how he imagines it... but reality... this is a man who was married and didn't tell me. Wouldn't have told me if his wife hadn't shown up and forced the issue. So how great could our future have been? I would have been dreaming of white dresses and registries and he would have been... what? Wondering when the other shoe was going to drop? So much for bliss.

He waves me towards him and I turn in the opposite direction. I don't see his facial expression but I hear his footsteps sound behind me as he tries to catch me. Pride won't let me run... okay maybe it's not pride. I want him to catch me. I want him to tell me he loves me and that this was all just a bad dream. I told you I was screwed up. He closes the distance between us as I reach the elevator. He says my name softly and the doors slide open. Addison steps off and looks at us in nervous curiosity.

I feel him shrink back and finally my anger bursts free. I face him. "You need to stop this." They both look taken aback by my forceful tone. I push him into the elevator and gesture for her to follow. As soon as the doors close behind us I pull the stop button and my fury flies free. I look at both of them. "This has to stop. Right now. Because I'm sick of it. I'm sick of you following me with your pitiful glances, and your longing words." I turn and point a finger at Addison. "And I'm even more sick of you letting him. He says he wants you? He loves you? Make him prove it! Here you are, this kick butt surgeon who's brave enough to do this miraculous work with the most delicate patients, and you don't have the balls to tell your husband to get it together?"

I shake my head as I look back at him. "You have to stop this now. I hate to repeat myself... or maybe I don't but regardless... STOP IT! Stop following me, stop talking to me, stop trying to be my friend because it's really starting to tick me off. You want a friend Derek? I gave you a dog. They are supposed to be man's best... so there you go. But I am no longer willing to keep dancing this pathetic two-step with you while your wife looks on helplessly. We're over. We both know it. There's nothing left to say. Nothing left to be sad over. Nothing left to obsess about. There's nothing. Do you get it? Because I finally do. When I think about how I've just sat there and waited for whatever scrap of affection you were willing to throw at me I want to vomit. I don't know what the hell made me think that you were so much better than me that I couldn't get past you... but it's gone. It's over. We're over."

I look back to Addison. She looks like she's not sure whether she wants to laugh or to cry. "I really hope you either make him pull it together or move out. Because you deserve better. We both do. And I intend to get it. Good luck with your marriage if that's what you really want."

Derek is silent as I glare at him. "Any feelings I have for you that aren't dead... will be. So don't try to come to me, because right now all I feel for you is disgust and contempt. Any feelings you have for me... are your own problem. So at least be man enough to deal with them away from me."

I push the stop button back in and hit the "open doors" button. As they slide open I push myself through the throng of people who have been waiting for them to open and walk out of the building.

Maybe there are different ways for different people. Some people cry after a break up. Some people screw their way through as many people as possible to forget. I have done both, and I've learned that when the heart is ready to get over it... it will. And God help anyone who is in the way.


End file.
